A 3 day new H and mom, freshly home from the hospital. I was totally unaware of what I was getting myself into, but I was so happy to be home finally after way too much time in the hospital. I took this picture as soon as we walked in the house and came downstairs. My body had not bounced back like all the movies had promised, I was too sore to sit, my mind was in a fuzzy haze over everything that had happened in the last week, but I didn’t care. He was HERE. He was home. He was ours.
I have never posted this picture of us anywhere online, nor have I ever shown it to anyone, because I felt like I looked gross and definitely not the perfect image I was seeing of other freshly postpartum moms. I didn’t feel as though this was a beautiful picture by any means, and I was afraid of what some might say about the body that had just birthed an almost 9 pound baby less than 3 full days before. This photo is not beautiful in the typical sense – I am not wearing any makeup, my hair is probably on day 4 of not being washed, my body was still swollen from the epidural, my belly is still very visible – I could go on and on.
When I first looked at this picture, all I saw was what was *wrong* with my body. Two years and three months later, however, looking deeper with a fresh set of eyes, I see the pure joy and love that is being portrayed through my facial features. My eyes are swollen and dark from the lack of sleep, but they sparkle with the fresh imprint of new motherhood, and a baby that feels like I’ve been waiting forever for. He didn’t care if my hair was curled, or my eyelashes blackened with mascara – he was just happy to have a full belly, a warm chest to nuzzle up to, and a familiar voice to put a face to.
The early days of parenting were streaked with mess and confusion, but they were also characterized by the beautiful beginnings of our relationship as a mother and son, and a body that was strong and able to nourish him for almost 2 years.
Beautiful may have become a phrase I’ve used less and less to describe myself personally, in a physical sense, over the past few years, but it has also become a word I associate with motherhood and my bond with our son.
What a beautiful picture of a moment between mother and son. As moms it can be so easy to focus negatively on how our bodies changed for motherhood rather than embrace it.
That is so true! I'm glad I went back through and found it – that look on my face says it all! 🙂
You feel feel better about yourself in a few years when you look back, I promise!
That is so good to hear 🙂 I already focus less on the physical aspect, and instead look at the feeling that I am exuding!
Girl you look fabulous in that picture! I'm glad you can look back now and see the happiness and see the proud new mom and baby. Being a new mom can be such a difficult experience, especially with your emotions and hormones running crazy, but be proud of what you accomplished and the beauty in this photo!
Yes! The hormones were definitely unexpected (thankfully I'm more aware for this time around!), and I wish I hadn't been so hard on myself, but I'm glad I went back through and can look at it with fresh eyes!
I *love* this photo! I'm so sorry to hear that you haven't wanted to show it to anyone. Both you and H look fabulous and happy and real.
Even Zach was like "When did you take that?!". My vanity took a hit for sure, I wasn't expecting to still have such a bump and be so swollen afterwards, and I think mentally, the fact that I didn't get the birth "i wanted" made it a little worse. I'm so so SO glad I go back and look at photos though, so I can see the feelings that were so raw and real. Even looking at this picture makes me feel happy again, and makes me so excited for the birth of this little one!
OMG. I love this. I had such a hard time accepting my post-partum body in the first few month. It was all a haze and looking back now … at all those imperfect pictures of early motherhood (with unwashed hair, dark circles, poofy cheeks, a few to many rols) I don't see all the imperfections anymore but am able to look past it and to the joy in my eyes and the tiny human I created. You look stunning in this picture and it's easy to tell just how happy you are.
<3<3<3 I LOVE this!!! You put into words so much of what I feel!
I disagree. This picture is absolutely flawless! You look beautiful and radiant, and the little one is just so cute, lying there against your chest. <3