Before I had you, I didn’t ‘get’ breastfeeding.
I didn’t ‘get’ why women were so focused on it, so upset by their self-proclaimed ‘failures’, so elated by their victories.
I didn’t get what the big deal about going into a bathroom or a car or fitting room was, or why some people just couldn’t be ‘modest’ and cover up.
The first 4 months of your life, I rarely left the house. You wanted to nurse constantly and I was embarrassed by how awkward and uncoordinated our nursing sessions were. There was milk everywhere because of your poor latch, and my oversupply. I was always hunched in weird positions to fit in whatever stall / booth / room was away from the crowd enough for me not to seem like a ‘spectacle’.
They were some of the most conflicting months of my life – I knew what I was doing was supposedly the ‘best’ thing I could do for you, and yet the glares made me feel sickly and embarrassed, enough so that I considered weaning you.
The early days were full of having to force myself to continue. I was (and still am) very lucky to have found wonderful support groups, both locally and online, to help me through the pain and soreness, the awkwardness and “is this normal?”. They were there to help gently push me to continue and listen to the tears and angst on the harder days, offer helpful advice and personal anecdotes, and celebrate once H and I found our groove.
I never ever thought I’d say it, but I miss the days and nights where he’d fall asleep on me. I miss the way his small body used to fit perfectly in the crook of my arm. The way his little hands would rest on my chest as he peacefully filled his belly.
I used to get so frustrated that he used me like a “pacifier” (but refused an actual paci) and even more frustrated that he’d only sleep next to (aka: on) me and wake up the second I popped him off to try and escape to have a minute to myself. No matter how deeply he was slumbering, his eyes would spring open the second I left his side.
It was one of my favorite parts of the dream feeds, and a big reason why I kept doing it for so long – some days all I want to do is cuddle and get in some milk drunk snuggles. I actually almost enjoy the rough teething, because it makes his needs easily met – I can solve all of his problems with a hug, a snuggle and a little nursing. When things get crazy, when he’s at the end of his rope, when the world is too rough, nursing solves it all. Watching him come to me, signing for “milk” with his arms outstretched and collapsing into my chest makes my heart burst.
For me, breastfeeding – this supposedly ‘natural’ mothering thing, has been anything but. It’s been a long journey, that started out rough and uncomfortable but has now become so second nature for both of us. I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined that we’d still be nursing 18.5 months later, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Its exhausting and draining, but watching this little person watch me, while my body nourishes nourishes his, leaves me speechless and proud.
So this World Breastfeeding Week, please do us breastfeeding mamas a favor. Don’t stare and give us mean looks, and please don’t ask me to move into the bathroom. Instead, offer me words of encouragement, be supportive of our choices to breastfeed. Please don’t insinuate we’re being perverse or weird. Please acknowledge that we are doing what we feel is best. Help me celebrate my successes and applaud me when I reach my goals.
Be a part of normalizing our society, rather than shaming us for feeding our children.
Breastfeeding is an unsentimental metaphor for how love works, in a way. You don’t decide how much and how deeply to love — you respond to the beloved, and give with joy exactly as much as they want.
~Marni Jackson
Keep up the great work! I am in a similar situation as you with my now 2 month old. I have an over supply and although he has a great latch, there are times he has to pull off because he is just getting too much and I spray all over the place. It is so embarrassing if I am in public!!! <3 Christine, The Choosy Mommy, http://www.choosykids.blogspot.com
I formula fed. I knew long before I ever got pregnant that breastfeeding wasn't right for me.
It's sad to me that moms who breastfeed in public get judged!
When I had my kids, breastfeeding was not given as an option to me. My daughter plans on breastfeeding and I am excited for her journey!
Your photos are beautiful! I have never had children however breastfeeding is extremely important to me when I do. I was supposed to get a breast reduction years ago but have put it off due to wanting to be able to breastfeed when I do have children! A beautiful post!
xoxo
Alicia
http://www.lifeofafatgirl.ca
Beautiful! My milk is not very fattening so I can't breast feed my kids for very long and I sob overtime I have to sob. Its a beautiful thing and I understand the way the world perceives it. I used to think it was so time consuming but after I had to stop with all 4 of my kids I missed it so much.
Such a lovely & honest post. It is something to witness the vast opinions of one another and the shame this world pushes. I do not judge what is right or wrong for other mothers. It was important to me to breastfeed my babies and I will always stand by my decision. All the best to you and your journey of motherhood…
This was beautiful. So wonderful to see your journey. Wonderful pictures too! Thanks so much for sharing.
I'm having my baby in 3 weeks, and I pray she wants to breastfeed. I'm excited to have this bond with my baby.
Karsen
sequinsandsundaymornings.blogspot.com
I think this is the sweetest most heartfelt post I've seen on breastfeeding. I can't stand people that wanna be rude towards moms breastfeeding in public, it's just immature.
This is a lovely post, I wish more women felt comfortable bf in public x
You are a breastfeeding pro! I'm not at this point yet in my life, but I hope that it is an easier process for me than what I imagine. I know it can be painful and the cracking sounds absolutely miserable. I'm happy for how it has helped you bond to your baby more!
Beautiful! I love your honesty and vulnerability here. That quote at the end is beautiful too. It makes me excited to try breastfeeding with our future little ones!
Such a great post. Breastfeeding is hard, and people need to be more supportive. I'm so glad you found groups to help you. As tough as it was for me, I miss it and the bond we had. Although, I don't think the bond will ever be broken.
Such a great post. Breastfeeding is hard, and people need to be more supportive. I'm so glad you found groups to help you. As tough as it was for me, I miss it and the bond we had. Although, I don't think the bond will ever be broken.
Love this! I was chatting about breastfeeding on my blog today too:) your pictures are beautiful and so is what you are doing for your little one!
Very sweet… it's been a long time for me (my daughters are 23 and 29)!!!!! I remember breast feeding my oldest for 16 months! Blessings for you sharing the joy of breastfeeding!
I ave breastfed all 5 of my kids, including my baby now. It is the best time of my life. It is great for the baby and a precious time that is priceless!
You bring such a great point to the table! I have kept my nose out of this topic because I don't fully comprehend what it is like to be a mother!
Oh I can totally relate to the awkward nursing sessions. It took my daughter and I a few months to get into a good groove where I felt confident nursing discreetly in public. I wish people weren't so judgmental about how parents choose to nourish their children. There are worse problems in the world!
Oh I can totally relate to the awkward nursing sessions. It took my daughter and I a few months to get into a good groove where I felt confident nursing discreetly in public. I wish people weren't so judgmental about how parents choose to nourish their children. There are worse problems in the world!
I agree, it's a very natural thing and I see no problems with it being done in public!
It really is such a bonding thing, isn't it? It's a tender, loving time. I always thought it was adorable when they would pat their little hands on my chest while nursing.
So much of this post rings true to me! Yes a constant pacifier and sleeping on me. But it's also so comforting and such a nice bond. I missed out on it with my first son although we had other ways to snuggle and bond. I am grateful to be given a 2nd chance and this time I sought help and was able to continue and still am and my little baby is now about to enter preschool
Such a lovely post. Yesterday, I saw a woman sit on the sidewalk on 5th Ave to breastfeed and I thought it was great that she was comfortable doing it but how uncomfortable she must be sitting on the sidewalk. Nursing stations are so necessary for mom and baby.
This is such a lovely post. I feel so sad when breastfeeding moms are being judged when they do it in public.
This is beautiful! I breastfed all my babies. It was only for a few months, though, but I loved the feeling.
Awwww love these types of stories! I didn't breastfeed myself because it just wasn't working for my daughter :-/ and I had an emergency c-section so we all just decided to go the formula route
I love this! I breastfed both of my babies. I was sad when my milk went away. We intend for our daughter to be our last baby so I knew I'd never get those "milk drunk snuggles" again. Congrats on making it so far!
This is an incredible post. Good on you for doing your part in normalizing breastfeeding. It is a beautiful part of motherhood and a sacred bond that should be celebrated, not shamed.