Necklace: Perry Street Kaylee Necklace | Earrings: SLATE pearl triangle studs | Bracelet: House of Harlow 1960 Aura Tennis Bracelet in Turquoise (gifts from RocksBox. Remember to use code "muchmostdarlingxoxo" to get your first month of Rocksbox free!) + black chain link bracelet from Hello Fab / Glasses: Firmoo / Hat: Forever21 / Dress: similar similar / Purse: Vintage / Shoes: Nordstrom
Have you ever had one of those days where you're feeling defeated and are way harder on yourself than necessary?
I am currently deep in one of those weeks.
Regardless of how many "To Do" lists I make, it always feels like I'm forgetting something or leaving an important detail off. It's not that I'm a total ditz, it's the fact that I've become a complete Forgetful Fannie since getting pregnant with H, and I'm pretty sure its just gotten worse in the last 15 months. Seriously. I'm that person who finds their cellphone in the vegetable crisper, and the carrots on my bedside table in the mornings, when it's obviously supposed to be the other way around.
It's like my mind is going so many places at once, I can either do a little of a lot, or a lot of a little, but nothing ever seems to get completed.
I can't tell you how many times a week I find a load of laundry I had totally forgotten about, still slightly damp from being washed but abandoned before it could be dried.
Or the laundry that does get completed and dried ends up half folded in piles all over the living and dining room.
Have you ever tried folding laundry with a toddler around? Yeah, not happening. H loves when the laundry basket comes out - his whole face lights up, he runs towards the basket, and he starts pulling things out and throwing them every which way with reckless abandon. I'm sure it's a similar feeling to begin at an amusement park. Something he loves more than pulling the clothes out of the basket? Stomping on freshly folded and organized tee shirts, underwear, and socks, unfolding each one and swinging it around his head before scattering them in every which way.
I make a big to do list at the beginning of each day to keep myself motivated and on track. I write down anything and everything I could possibly want or need to get done in three separate colums: personal, blog and business. Even if I know I don't have time to get my emissions checked, make a meal plan for the week, finish laundry, start on H's 15 month update, start looking for new tenants for two properties, and respond to the 500 new emails in my inbox, I write them all down.
Most days, I can barely get one thing crossed off, and it makes me feel like that day has been a total and complete failure. I know it's an antiquated notion, but I want to be the perfect 50s housewife. I want to be the perfect wife who has lunches made and packed, dinners ready when the Hubby gets home. I want to be the mother that does fun crafts and DIY gifts for every occasion. I want to be the wife and mother who gets it all done every day and still manages to look completely put together. I want to not dread running into someone I know at the grocery store because I had to choose between showering or cleaning up the pee my lovely toddler left all over the floors while running away post-diaper change (FYI: cleaning up bodily fluids will always win).
I know my husband doesn't expect it from me, but I expect it from myself, and the "so what do you do all day, really"? comments from friends and family don't help. I know it's silly and ridiculous, but I see so many moms who seem to have it all and do it all, and I'm over here calling it a win if I can get H dressed before 11 and manage to contain the chaos that follows in his wake throughout the day.
There is a lot I am not able to do all day, but there is a lot that I am able to do. It's not always visible, and rarely quantifiable, but if you look really really closely, you'll see it.
I keep a little tiny Hulk bebé alive and well.
I know exactly what faces to make to make him laugh and giggle. I know how he likes to be hugged tightly and have his back rubbed when he inevitably trips and falls over something.
I have taught him how to sign food and milk and more and all done. I have taught him how to 'count' to three with me, which he loves to do as he takes ahold of my hand and walks up or down stairs. I have taught him how to brush his teeth and how anything can become a hairbrush.
I am there to comfort him when the neighbors dog jumps on the fence and starts barking at us. I am there to nurse and rock him to sleep every day and night. I am there to take his hand as he wants to venture into a new part of the neighborhood.
So, I may not always be perfect in my roles as a mother and a wife.
My to do lists may be lengthy and many tasks may be undone.
My house may not always be clean and tidy.
My laundry may pile up.
My hair may not always be freshly showered.
But the work I do everyday shows in the tiny little giggles and smiles of my son, and I'm starting to learn that that's perfectly enough for us.
Is there something that always helps to bring you out of a funk?
Remember to use code "muchmostdarlingxoxo" to get your first month of Rocksbox free!